The Village - Baby sleep myths
LEARN
Baby sleep myths
By Rosalee Lahaie Hera
At one time or another, most new parents struggle with either getting their baby to sleep, keeping their baby asleep for longer overnight stretches and helping them achieve restful daytime naps. It’s normal to question whether your baby is getting the right amount of quality sleep, and to wonder whether you’ll ever sleep well again too.
I firmly believe that parents with small children deserve to get good sleep. To help you along on this journey, I’m addressing some common baby sleep myths so that you can become a well-rested family.
MYTH #1 Your baby needs to sleep through the night
without waking up to eat
This is a super common and particularly harmful myth. I get it. It’s hard enough to transition into parenthood, let alone to transition into feeling half-human and exhausted all the time. However, there’s no escaping your new reality: babies (especially new ones) get hungry overnight.
“If they weren’t feeding hungrily or had difficulty returning to sleep, then they may not have been hungry.”
In the beginning, your newborn may be waking every hour or two to eat. As they grow and gain weight, it’s important to check in with their doctor to determine how often they need to feed overnight. Once their day/night confusion has been sorted out, which occurs by about 8 weeks old, you can start to expect longer stretches between overnight feedings.
Sometimes it’s confusing to determine whether a baby is waking up out of hunger or for some other reason. If your baby wakes up, takes a good feed, and goes right back to sleep, then they were likely hungry. If they weren’t feeding hungrily or had difficulty returning to sleep, then they may not have been hungry. This provides you with some good information for how to deal with future overnight wakings.
MYTH #2 The only way to help your baby sleep better
is to let them “cry it out”
Many, many parents have heard this myth before, and unfortunately, it’s a damaging one. I never want parents to think that their only option is something that they may not be comfortable with. There are so many ways to help your baby (and your whole family) get better quality sleep.
It’s true that helping little ones fall asleep more independently helps them sleep better overall. A little one who knows how to fall asleep on their own at bedtime is far more likely to fall back asleep throughout the night when they happen to stir through lighter phases of sleep. This is particularly true once a baby turns about 4 months old, when they can be far more wakeful throughout the night.
As with anything to do with parenting, encouraging independent sleep is a choice. You certainly don’t have to make this choice. Most children will eventually learn to sleep on their own, sometime between 3 and 6 years old on average. It’s just that many families prefer to encourage this earlier, so that they can get better sleep along the way.
Regardless, rest assured that you can encourage independence in ways that make the most sense to you and that feels the most comfortable to you too.
MYTH #3 Your baby needs to follow a strict sleep schedule to sleep well
Strict sleep schedules have baffled parents for ages. You know the ones: where your baby must sleep for very specific nap lengths that seem impossible to achieve.
Unfortunately, these schedules rarely work. First, as you know, it’s not easy to get your baby to sleep for very specific amounts of time. Particularly in the first half of your baby’s first year of life, nap lengths can vary wildly from day to day. There are so many different factors that can influence their nap length, including their exposure to outdoor air and natural light, their level of stimulation, appetite and diet, sleep environment and more.
Second, strict sleep schedules can cause babies to become incredibly overtired since they don’t account for how long a baby has been awake. Once a baby becomes overtired, they get a shot of cortisol (the stress hormone) which makes it very difficult for them to fall asleep and stay asleep.
Instead of following a strict sleep schedule, I recommend that you follow age-appropriate wake windows instead (link to our other article). Your baby can spend only about 45-60 minutes of being awake in one stretch when they are first born. As they get older, they can handle about 15 minutes more awake time each month. Respecting wake windows can mean the difference between a fussy baby who takes short naps and wakes up frequently overnight, and a baby who is well rested and sleeps longer stretches.
MYTH #4 Crib naps must happen at all costs
This was one I really struggled with when I was a new mom. I thought I was doing it all wrong! Why wouldn’t my baby sleep in her crib for naps? Why would she always sleep better and longer in my arms?
With hindsight and knowledge, I now know that this is just what babies do.
When you are working on improving nighttime sleep, it’s best to ensure that your baby is getting well-balanced rest throughout the day. If this means that they need to nap in your arms or on-the-go in a carrier or stroller, then so be it. It’s better to make sure the nap happens, than to stress about it happening in the crib.
“You don’t have to get them sleeping in their crib for naps to continue to see success at night..”
Once your little one is sleeping well and independently at night, then you can revisit the idea of your baby sleeping in their crib for naps too. However, you don’t have to get them sleeping in their crib for naps to continue to see success at night. This is something that is super fascinating about infant sleep science: babies don’t become confused if you ask them to sleep independently at night but not during the day.
You can also ask your little one to sleep independently for one or two naps of the day, but not the others. In fact, many parents prefer to take their babies for on-the-go naps later in the day, when the drive to sleep is lower and it’s easier to achieve naps this way.
Remember that this too shall pass. You will eventually have a baby who loves to sleep in their crib, whether it’s during the day or at night. Until then, you aren’t “creating bad habits” or doing anything wrong.
MYTH #5 Your baby must be 4 months old before you can
work on their sleep habits
I wish I’d known better than this the first time around!
There is absolutely no reason to wait until your baby is a specific age to work on establishing healthy sleep habits. It is never too early (nor too late) to improve your little one’s sleep. You do not need to suffer through months of exhaustion before you can tackle your baby’s sleep.
There are so many ways to gently correct your newborn’s existing sleep issues and set yourself up for great sleep in the future.
In fact, you can lessen the effects of the so-called “4-month sleep regression” (a normal biological change in sleep patterns) by establishing healthy, independent sleep habits well before the 4-month mark.
Once your little one enters this stage at about the 3-4-month mark, they will begin to cycle through very light stages of sleep every 45 minutes or so. If they do not yet know how to fall asleep on their own at bedtime, they may need you to repeat the same conditions that you used at bedtime throughout the night.
During the newborn stage, you can work on getting your little one sleeping comfortably in their own space (bassinet or crib) and practise with setting them down awake. This will not always feel successful, but everything about baby sleep is about giving them time and practice to learn.
The right time to start working on healthy sleep habits is when you are feeling ready to do so.
Rosalee Lahaie Hera is a Certified Pediatric & Newborn Sleep Consultant, a Certified Potty Training Consultant, and the founder of Baby Sleep Love, the founder of Sleep Coach School, and the co-founder of The Parent Playbook. She’s also a mom to two beautiful little humans. Rosalee is a researcher at heart with a background in healthcare management and a passion for sleep science. She takes a highly analytical approach and uses proven, gentle methods to help families (like yours!) get the sleep they need. Rosalee is a big fan of fancy coffee and great food (both cooking it and eating it). You can connect with Rosalee on Facebook or Instagram.
LEARN
Baby sleep myths
By Rosalee Lahaie Hera
At one time or another, most new parents struggle with either getting their baby to sleep, keeping their baby asleep for longer overnight stretches and helping them achieve restful daytime naps. It’s normal to question whether your baby is getting the right amount of quality sleep, and to wonder whether you’ll ever sleep well again too.
I firmly believe that parents with small children deserve to get good sleep. To help you along on this journey, I’m addressing some common baby sleep myths so that you can become a well-rested family.
Myth #1
Your baby needs to sleep through the night without waking up to eat
This is a super common and particularly harmful myth. I get it. It’s hard enough to transition into parenthood, let alone to transition into feeling half-human and exhausted all the time. However, there’s no escaping your new reality: babies (especially new ones) get hungry overnight.
“If they weren’t feeding hungrily or had difficulty returning to sleep, then they may not have been hungry.”
In the beginning, your newborn may be waking every hour or two to eat. As they grow and gain weight, it’s important to check in with their doctor to determine how often they need to feed overnight. Once their day/night confusion has been sorted out, which occurs by about 8 weeks old, you can start to expect longer stretches between overnight feedings.
Sometimes it’s confusing to determine whether a baby is waking up out of hunger or for some other reason. If your baby wakes up, takes a good feed, and goes right back to sleep, then they were likely hungry. If they weren’t feeding hungrily or had difficulty returning to sleep, then they may not have been hungry. This provides you with some good information for how to deal with future overnight wakings.
Myth #2
The only way to help your baby sleep better is to let them
“cry it out”
Many, many parents have heard this myth before, and unfortunately, it’s a damaging one. I never want parents to think that their only option is something that they may not be comfortable with. There are so many ways to help your baby (and your whole family) get better quality sleep.
It’s true that helping little ones fall asleep more independently helps them sleep better overall. A little one who knows how to fall asleep on their own at bedtime is far more likely to fall back asleep throughout the night when they happen to stir through lighter phases of sleep. This is particularly true once a baby turns about 4 months old, when they can be far more wakeful throughout the night.
As with anything to do with parenting, encouraging independent sleep is a choice. You certainly don’t have to make this choice. Most children will eventually learn to sleep on their own, sometime between 3 and 6 years old on average. It’s just that many families prefer to encourage this earlier, so that they can get better sleep along the way.
Regardless, rest assured that you can encourage independence in ways that make the most sense to you and that feels the most comfortable to you too.
Myth #3
Your baby needs to follow
a strict sleep schedule to sleep well
Strict sleep schedules have baffled parents for ages. You know the ones: where your baby must sleep for very specific nap lengths that seem impossible to achieve.
Unfortunately, these schedules rarely work. First, as you know, it’s not easy to get your baby to sleep for very specific amounts of time. Particularly in the first half of your baby’s first year of life, nap lengths can vary wildly from day to day. There are so many different factors that can influence their nap length, including their exposure to outdoor air and natural light, their level of stimulation, appetite and diet, sleep environment and more.
Second, strict sleep schedules can cause babies to become incredibly overtired since they don’t account for how long a baby has been awake. Once a baby becomes overtired, they get a shot of cortisol (the stress hormone) which makes it very difficult for them to fall asleep and stay asleep.
Instead of following a strict sleep schedule, I recommend that you follow age-appropriate wake windows instead (link to our other article). Your baby can spend only about 45-60 minutes of being awake in one stretch when they are first born. As they get older, they can handle about 15 minutes more awake time each month. Respecting wake windows can mean the difference between a fussy baby who takes short naps and wakes up frequently overnight, and a baby who is well rested and sleeps longer stretches.
Myth #4
Crib naps must happen
at all costs
This was one I really struggled with when I was a new mom. I thought I was doing it all wrong! Why wouldn’t my baby sleep in her crib for naps? Why would she always sleep better and longer in my arms?
With hindsight and knowledge, I now know that this is just what babies do.
When you are working on improving nighttime sleep, it’s best to ensure that your baby is getting well-balanced rest throughout the day. If this means that they need to nap in your arms or on-the-go in a carrier or stroller, then so be it. It’s better to make sure the nap happens, than to stress about it happening in the crib.
“You don’t have to get them sleeping in their crib for naps to continue to see success at night..”
Once your little one is sleeping well and independently at night, then you can revisit the idea of your baby sleeping in their crib for naps too. However, you don’t have to get them sleeping in their crib for naps to continue to see success at night. This is something that is super fascinating about infant sleep science: babies don’t become confused if you ask them to sleep independently at night but not during the day.
You can also ask your little one to sleep independently for one or two naps of the day, but not the others. In fact, many parents prefer to take their babies for on-the-go naps later in the day, when the drive to sleep is lower and it’s easier to achieve naps this way.
Remember that this too shall pass. You will eventually have a baby who loves to sleep in their crib, whether it’s during the day or at night. Until then, you aren’t “creating bad habits” or doing anything wrong.
Myth #5
Your baby must be 4 months old before you can work on their sleep habits
I wish I’d known better than this the first time around!
There is absolutely no reason to wait until your baby is a specific age to work on establishing healthy sleep habits. It is never too early (nor too late) to improve your little one’s sleep. You do not need to suffer through months of exhaustion before you can tackle your baby’s sleep.
There are so many ways to gently correct your newborn’s existing sleep issues and set yourself up for great sleep in the future.
In fact, you can lessen the effects of the so-called “4-month sleep regression” (a normal biological change in sleep patterns) by establishing healthy, independent sleep habits well before the 4-month mark.
Once your little one enters this stage at about the 3-4-month mark, they will begin to cycle through very light stages of sleep every 45 minutes or so. If they do not yet know how to fall asleep on their own at bedtime, they may need you to repeat the same conditions that you used at bedtime throughout the night.
During the newborn stage, you can work on getting your little one sleeping comfortably in their own space (bassinet or crib) and practise with setting them down awake. This will not always feel successful, but everything about baby sleep is about giving them time and practice to learn.
The right time to start working on healthy sleep habits is when you are feeling ready to do so.
Rosalee Lahaie Hera is a Certified Pediatric & Newborn Sleep Consultant, a Certified Potty Training Consultant, and the founder of Baby Sleep Love, the founder of Sleep Coach School, and the co-founder of The Parent Playbook. She’s also a mom to two beautiful little humans. Rosalee is a researcher at heart with a background in healthcare management and a passion for sleep science. She takes a highly analytical approach and uses proven, gentle methods to help families (like yours!) get the sleep they need. Rosalee is a big fan of fancy coffee and great food (both cooking it and eating it). You can connect with Rosalee on Facebook or Instagram.